Meditate. Giggle. Repeat.

For the past few weeks, I have been attempting a morning meditation practice. The first few days it went really well. I was up before any of my beloveds and got to drink a warm cup of lemon water and watch the sunrise while I stretched, did a few yoga flows and centered myself for the day.

The days that I was able to have those 30 minutes alone, listening to morning meditation music on youtube while doing it (thank you whoever put that together you are a life saver), I felt so energized. Without my mid-day nap with Alma, or my matcha pick-me-up, I would usually be a tired, grouchy mess of a mama. At first, I thought those days were such gifts because I was able to take a bit of time to just focus on myself.

As the days and weeks have worn on I haven’t been able to have those uninterrupted mornings. When I try to get my body moving Alma immediately climbs on my back and says “come on, mami, come on,” and off I gallop with her giggles trailing behind us. Often times I am in the middle of a stretch or trying to follow a yoga video and she asks me to play her favorite record so we can dance instead.

in the zone.
not pictured – Alma twirling with Lee off camera to Shakira

I won’t lie, there are times where I just say no. I say no and no and no because if I gave into every ask I would get nothing done. And I have seen all those posts about leaving the laundry and the dishes and the chores for another day because these moments are fleeting. I have even posted about it myself because I agree. Those moments where we are laughing and dancing and running and playing are magical, but this family has to eat and this mama needs some semblance of organization in her life so she can be that happy, encouraging, playful mother Alma loves, needs and deserves.

That means that I can’t always say yes, and that goes for Alma and myself. I can’t always find a way to have an uninterrupted practice, or meditation or moment and that’s ok. I can stretch with Alma on my back, it helps me get deeper into it anyway, and dancing with her is more therapeutic than chanting my mantras.

These few weeks I have realized that the true gift is the change I have made in my mind from a need to an intention. I have intentions for my practice, for my day, week, month, year, my mothering, for myself. Since it is an intention, I don’t have guilt when I cannot accomplish it exactly as I had set out to, or at all which oftentimes happens. I can pick up later, or the next day, and try again.

This morning my meditation time was spent doing a beginners yoga flow, while twirling my toddler and stretching into downward dog with her on my back and then stopped 15 minutes before the end of the video because we were both hungry and she had just peed on the rug. Potty training! If I had approached this as a time I needed, all of these interruptions and my inability to finish would have made me sour for the rest of the day. Not anymore bebes! This mama has a new and improved outlook!

For me as a parent, and especially as a mother, I have had a hard time letting go of what I feel things should look like, or how I think the day should go. Instead of seeing my life as a neverending list where I check off what I have accomplished for the day, week, year, etc, I now focus my energy on intentions. It has led to a happier mama, happier family and a happier outlook on it all.

mid meditation post dance party break

Sure there is stress, from things in and out of my control, but I know that setting intentions instead of expectations has really helped me be more zen about it all, and I wish it hadn’t taken me almost 32 years to figure that out but I am also glad it didn’t take me a moment longer.

To help me achieve loftier goals than just getting outside with my gal on the daily, I want to set monthly intentions. This month, my intention is to receive. I want to be open to the universe and all of the opportunities that surround me. It doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It means allowing myself space to really be present and receptive for myself and my family.

I know there will be a lot of changes this year, but the most difficult and significant changes I know I will make within myself and I am actually kind of excited about it. Is that weird? Probably, but the thought of having yet another chance at change is invigorating and I don’t want to let it go.

Now I intend to get some rest, because I will require a lot of energy to get this all going and I know if I intend to meditate tomorrow before our hot water heater and AC get replaced I need to have the energy to do my flows, my kriyas, dance with Alma and have breakfast with the family within 2 hours of waking up. Or just dance. Or a combination of it all. See what I mean about intentions? I am honestly excited to see how the morning shakes out.

But you better believe your nalgas I intend to fit it all in and get it done.

And if not, there is always tomorrow.

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